Healing Line

Healing Line

Francis Will Be 70 On April 22

by Francis MacNutt
April 1995

This is the year we celebrate Francis' 70th Birthday! We asked him to share his reflections as he approaches this auspicious milestone: almost forty years since his ordination, and twenty–eight years in the healing ministry. The staff and volunteers at CHM are so blessed to have Francis 's experience and wisdom to draw upon as we minister to others. As you read this, I think that you will be touched by his humble spirit and wisdom. Help us to celebrate his life and ministry, by sending cards and letters of encouragement! — Joy Abney, Editor

On April 22 I reach my 70th birthday

In so many ways I feel as if I am just beginning. I am still learning, and not just in small things, but in the great ideals: who I want to be as a human being and as a Christian. In this brief essay I want to share with you a little of what I have learned as an encouragement for all of us to continue to grow and to hope.

In the last newsletter I wrote briefly about how the Church's answer in one century can become a barrier to growth for the next generation. Closer to home, I have found the same problem in my own life: what was my total ambition at one period of my life was only a partial solution. To the extent that I believed it was the complete answer, it became a problem — but, at the time, I didn't realize it!

Just to give one example, when I was younger I was very absolute about my ideals and this idealism was closely connected with keeping the law. I tended to be legalistic and judgmental when other people didn't seem to keep the law, but I saw my absolutism as a desire to be virtuous. I saw myself as a person who held myself and others to high standards. Because I read the Gospels (part of my high standard) I realized the danger of being like the Pharisees. I didn't want to be a Pharisee, and yet, in some ways, I was. I was harsh, not so much in what I said, but in what I thought about people. I was very critical and people sensed it. It made for loneliness. I was admirable, but not very lovable.

It is good to hold to high standards, but the way I did it made it hard for me to love people and even harder I'm sure for them to love me. I thank God for the people he has brought into my life to help change that: for Judith and our children, and before that for all the people I worked with in St. Louis, and in my many travels.

I also thank God for bringing me into the healing ministry some thirty years ago, for it is here that I have seen how many people are not free to act upon what they know is right deep within They experience what Paul was describing in Romans 7: 15 where he said that he did the very things he hated and failed to live up to the ideals he embraced in his heart of hearts. In truth, we need Jesus, a Savior who can rescue us from ourselves.

The healing ministry can hardly fail to make us more compassionate when we realize that people are not totally free. There is a degree of freedom, yes, but there are areas where sin blinds our vision and drives our will, where we (as sinners, I John 1 :8) desperately need prayer for healing and sometimes deliverance. I simply cannot judge a person's inner motives. I have always known that I shouldn't judge, but now I really know that I can't judge.

It has also helped me to see how mistaken I have often been in my own search for holiness. Realizing my own mistakes has made me more understanding about the seeming blindness in other people and in our society. For example, I have always been very serious about life and seen this sobriety as a virtue. I am a natural crusader, desiring to change life for the better. Over time I have come to see that I need balance, to recapture a sense of fun that I lost when I became so serious about religion. I need to let the child come out (to the delight of our children, who sometimes say, "Dad, lighten up!").

These are some of the reasons why I feel as if I'm just beginning. Since I am still learning about so many important things an·d change is so gradual, I hope God will grant me many more years.

Our goal in life is to love God, and to love people, to be compassionate as our heavenly Father is compassionate. This takes time. Some can become saints in 30 years, for me even 70 years is too short.

Faithfully yours,
Francis


Francis MacNutt Francis MacNutt is a Founding Director and Executive Committee member of CHM. April 1995 Issue