Waiting

by Fr. Bob Kerner
with Sandi Kerner
February 1993

I am sure that there are many of you who are "waiting on the Lord" — for healing, for an answer to prayer, for God's provision, or for God's call. Waiting is a subject about which my wife, Sandi, and I have had much experience. For over two months we have been in a state of waiting on the Lord to open a door to a full–time position for me.

It may be helpful for you to know about our previous experience in extended waiting. I had been a Roman Catholic priest who married. This ushered in a long period of exile from the active priesthood and a season of waiting (for God's open door to full–time ministry) which lasted over 10 years — with many heart–wrenching closed doors in the meanwhile. Finally, that period ended in 1990 when I was restored to priestly ministry in the Episcopal Church. Yes, we know something about waiting!

Waiting is an essential part of the Christian life of walking by faith. It is never easy — especially for those of us who like to know (and control?) what's happening next! It involves not being in control and a daily struggle to walk on the water of faith, trusting in the Lord.

Here are some things about waiting we've learned along the way:

1. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Maintain a regular discipline of daily prayer and Bible reading, weekly (at least) worship and sacraments, and participation in a Christian small group. Focus on the Lord and his good will for you. Reject all else.
   
   
2. Live in the present, not in the future, or the past. Focus on the here and now. Avoid "woolgathering" about what might happen or imaging your future. Get involved and concentrate on present ministry and the needs around you.
   
   
3. Release control daily. Let go. And let God. This is the key to peace. I once did this symbolically. I took a balloon, which symbolized my priesthood, I went outside on my ordination anniversary day, and I let it go, allowing it to drift higher and higher, out of my grasp. I completely let go any control, any claim on my vocation I gave up trying to make things happen. And then I sobbed. That was the turning point in my sojourn of faith. Then God was free to work! Three years later he sovereignly returned the "balloon" to me — in his way, and on his appointed day, in a place far different.
   
   
4. Don't try to "help" God. Act only as God clearly directs and in his peace, not in desperation! You're not desperate, you're chosen!
   
   
5. Closed doors are God's blessings! Closed doors are God's protection and guidance — allowing for a better way. I have seen this happen over and over again in our journey. Closed doors always hurt. When you can see them as God's blessing, you are healed.
   
   
6. Waiting is the crucible of the saints. Read the lives of the saints. How many were in prison or exile or in other ways were prevented from doing anything but waiting? Look at Moses, Paul, St. Athanasius, for example.

Sandi reflects:

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength." I've always looked at waiting as a draining of strength. For me, waiting has been an experience of a loss of energy — because I wait anxiously.

Yet, waiting has served to make me more tenacious, more . determined to get to the goal. It has produced steel in me. My waiting has been rewarded and I have seen the fruit of waiting in my life. I have seen God's faithfulness during the waiting time and I have seen his purpose and faithfulness at the end of the wait as fulfillment came and I could look back over the waiting period with a new perspective through hindsight. Waiting periods have made me look at things from God's viewpoint.

Waiting is also a great opportunity for Satan! We are more vulnerable to temptation, harassment, deception, and accusation during these times. All kinds of fears enter, all kinds of worries and anxiety tempt us. I am so much more prone to fear and to listening to lies and half–truths, prone to wanting to grasp onto fl way, fl day, fl place — any possibility, any resolution that will end the waiting, end the "not knowing".

Fr. Bob:

Waiting is the crucible of development, training, and preparation for God's special time (kairos) and his special solution or placement. but, our security is in the Lord, not in a promise, or the outcome, or the successful resolution. Our focus and peace must rest in him.

A choice is ours. Waiting can be an opportunity for growth or a hell of anxiety. It depends on the focus. We can choose life or death. The choice is ours. "Do not, then, surrender your confidence, it will have great reward. You need patience to do God's will and to receive what he has promised." (Hebrews 10:35–36)

We hope this has been of some help to you. Waiting is best when it is shared with a supportive community. Let us wait together. And pray for one another!