Ministering to the Homosexual

by Norma Dearing
Fall 2000

The role of a prayer minister is to listen, love and pray, not to judge, give counsel or advise. It is to bring the hurting individual into the presence of Christ where His healing touch can bring restoration and redemption. We are to love the sinner and reject the sin, and this goes for any sin, whether it be adultery, fornication, lying, stealing, being judgmental, homosexuality, etc.

We are called to minister to the lonely, the broken and the confused. People struggling with homosexuality truly fit this description. Praying for those struggling with their sexuality is just one area of the overall ministry of healing prayer.

In praying for someone struggling with his or her sexuality, we must pray to see the person as Jesus sees him or her. Ask for Jesus' eyes and heart for the person.

A person involved in the homosexual lifestyle needs extensive inner healing. Inner healing is God's transforming power to heal the effects of trauma and sin at every stage of our earthly journey. It is the healing of our emotional hurts.

A person becomes involved in homosexuality because of unmet needs, all of which need inner healing. These unmet needs might be caused by a number of common reasons: 1) .difficult father/ son, father/ daughter, mother/son or mother/daughter relationships, where the individual did not receive the necessary love or nurture; 2) feeling like an outsider among peers during childhood and adolescence; 3) instances of sexual abuse or incest either by the same sex person or a person of the opposite sex; 4) a spiritual predisposition to sexual sin, which often becomes evident with a repeated history of incest, adultery and homosexuality in the family.

In addition to these areas, my many years of ministering with those struggling with homosexuality have taught me to recognize a need for inner healing prayer all the way back to the time they were in utero. Perhaps theirs was an unwanted or unplanned conception, or the parents wanted a boy instead of a girl or vice versa. The enemy can at an early age bring gender confusion to us or whisper the lie, "You're no good." All children need and want attention, and if there is unhealthy sexualization in a family, this brings tremendous confusion in areas of the love/sex connection.

A young man to whom I ministered was trying to deal with a number of these experiences. Simon was raised in an alcoholic home. The house was always one of confusion, as his parents often had drunken brawls to the point of breaking things. As a result, Simon spent a great deal of time with his grandparents. His grandmother loved him very much, but she wished he had been a girl. She often dressed him as a girl with frilly dresses and bonnets and encouraged him to play with dolls. In addition, his grandfather regularly took him out to the shed in the backyard and sexually molested him.

Simon didn't remember this abuse, but he struggled with homosexual thoughts and feelings while he was in high school. It was in high school that he met his wife. Simon and Elizabeth always had a loving and sharing relationship.

Shortly after his grandfather's death, Simon began remembering the abuse. This threw him into confusion about his sexuality, and all of the homosexual thoughts and feelings he had previously experienced began to resurface. Satan began to whisper those lies: "You liked being with your grandfather. You're really gay." The shame and guilt began to set in, and Simon worried that if anyone knew about this they would blame him.

Simon headed into a downward spiral, where he alienated himself from Elizabeth and church and God. He began going to gay bars and looking at pornography. He eventually believed the lie that he was gay and moved in with a lover, trying to forget both Elizabeth and God.

What finally brought him to me was that the gay lifestyle was emptier than anything he had ever experienced. He realized he still felt empty and lonely, and he really missed Elizabeth, the only person who had ever loved him unconditionally.

As we began praying together, the Lord began to heal that little boy of his shame, guilt and fears. The Lord began to help Simon see himself as He saw him, a precious child who was a victim in a sick and broken world. Simon experienced hours of inner healing, where Jesus brought healing and restoration to those memories of his childhood.

Simon is not alone. Homosexuality is not new, but it is prevalent and highly visible in our society today. Many struggle with this particular sin, and they all need the healing and restoration that only come through Jesus Christ.

Many acting and recovering homosexuals struggle terribly with wanting to be faithful Christians. In many ways, recovering from homosexuality is similar to recovering from other addictions, such as alcoholism, drug addiction or addiction to pornography. For this reason, we call them "recovering" homosexuals, people who depend on the Lord to keep them out of a sinful lifestyle.

With this particular sin, shame seems to be the largest obstacle to overcome and the place where the enemy holds them in deepest bondage. Because of this shame, it is sometimes hard work for prayer ministers, and it is difficult for the prayer recipient to allow Jesus into the memories. Recovering homosexuals require much love and patience from the one ministering to them.

Because of its complexity, praying for healing of the homosexual involves tremendous time, energy and patience. The road to freedom is a long one, often filled with confusion, frustration and temptation. Without support, most people would not make it. Christian Healing Ministries is only one of a number of ministries around the world, such as Exodus International, which offer the understanding and encouragement so desperately needed by those seeking transformation and healing of this difficult struggle.

Norma Dearing is the Director of Prayer Ministry at CHM.