Coming out of Homosexuality into New Life in Christ

a personal testimony by Marlin Moore
Fall 2000

As a young boy growing up, I had a father who worked for the CIA. Needless to say, he was absent from my life most of the time. When he was home, he wanted to unwind and relax, and as a typical boy I wanted to play. The two ideas didn't line up! I have learned since then that my dad was doing exactly what his father had done. He supplied the income to keep the household running. His duty was to be the breadwinner.

We moved a lot, and I found myself floundering to fit in. The kids I tried to befriend had more fun making fun of me than playing with me. This set up a deep insecurity within me. Lacking my dad's affirmation and my peers' approval, I became a loner, vowing I needed no one but myself.

By the age of nine I noticed that I was attracted to men. Looking at books and magazines, the women didn't attract my attention. I later found through healing that I was only trying to possess qualities that I felt they had and I didn't. This led me down a road of fantasy. I craved the attention of men! I remember crying out to God at night. I just wanted to be loved!

Going into my early teens, I was befriended by a much older man. He invited me places and gave me gifts, and I thought he cared. Then, the sexual acts started. I knew something felt wrong, but the attention I got kept me coming back. This started a 10–year search to be loved. The pain, rejection and shame I felt led me to become more and more promiscuous, never filling the vast void of loneliness I felt. Pornography became a major part of my life. I could escape into my own fantasy world, numbing the emptiness I felt.

I can look back and see choices that I made out of despair, but God was always there. I would cry out to Him almost nightly, but I just could not seem to reach Him. Then a vessel whom I thought only God could love, a friend's streetwise girlfriend, asked me to go to a revival. Neither of us had graced the inside of a church in years! There on the second night, I gave my life to Jesus. I !mew from that day forward what was sin, for God had peeled the scales from my eyes!

It has been a long, hard road these past 20 years. My God has been faithful to walk with me through many dark places. His hand has gently guided me. His love and assurance keep me pressing toward the mark.

God brought me a beautiful woman, Jane, who loves me for me. We will have been married 20 years this fall, and have three godly children.
People question the sin of homosexuality and God's plan for us. This sin is no greater than any other, but I know it is sin.

I don't thank God for allowing this to happen, but it keeps me dinging to my heavenly Father daily. Without Christ I would be nothing! Homosexuality has led me to a deeper, more meaningful life in Christ. No one can tell me that Jesus doesn't exist. He is alive and living in me!