The Best Way to Learn is to Receive

by Leslie Royalty
May/June 2010

Many people say the best way to learn a particular trade or skill is through personal hands–on experience. I completely agree. In fact, in the realm of healing prayer, I would take it one step further to say that the best way to learn is to receive! At least in my own experience, the more I receive prayer, the more I learn directly what it’s like to be on the receiving end. Not to mention the definite bonus of receiving more healing myself. Then as a prayer minister, I am more able to turn around and relate to others as they go through healing prayer and apply similar principles I have experienced. Specifically, I would like to share a story from my own healing process in order to highlight a few helpful principles for prayer ministers and recipients alike to keep in mind. May you also be encouraged by yet another testimony of Jesus’ healing.

Until about 3 years ago, fear had been a constant presence in my life. Fear of the dark, fear of evil, fear of being attacked in some way, just a generalized, pervasive fear. I had felt this way for as long as I can remember, so it took me a while to realize that this kind of fear was not normal. However, I gradually began to recognize that it was exaggerated and irrational, beyond the appropriate response warranted by circumstances. Particularly as I became more deeply involved in prayer ministry, the fear surfaced in the form of a strong fear of the demonic. All of this fear could at times literally be paralyzing. So in all of my brilliance, I decided I probably needed prayer.

The problem was that as the daughter of a psychologist and as someone who was involved in healing prayer, I had a pretty decent knowledge of root issues that can typically cause fear and I had already racked my brain to determine where this could be coming from. I had no clue. I had no conscious memory of anything that could have caused such significant fear.

At the time, I was going through some prayer ministry training during which we would practice in small groups. As we often remind students during our Schools of Healing Prayer®, though we may be practicing, the Holy Spirit isn’t. Thank God! We prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to completely direct the time and reveal anything that He wanted to heal. In prayer, they prompted me to allow myself to feel the familiar feelings of fear and to ask God to bring any associated memory to my mind. No memory surfaced, but the feelings did, especially as I remembered a recurring dream I’ve had most of my life. Since dreams can be a great place for real emotions to surface as our subconscious is so open, we went with that. In the dream, it was always dark, I was alone, and I had a strong sense of something trying to get and hurt me, at which point I would reach to switch on a light and the lights wouldn’t come on. They were somehow burned out or the power was out, and I would be seized with panic and terror, feeling completely paralyzed and helpless. As I described the dream, the emotions were surfacing very strongly and I just let them come, waiting on Jesus to lead further. But still no linked, real–life memory came to mind.

Then one of the prayer ministers asked me if I was feeling anything physically. I allowed myself to be aware of my body, and gradually noticed that my eyes seemed to be instinctively wincing, as the muscles were tensing and contracting. Then as soon as I reported those sensations, a subconscious memory was simply released into my awareness. I remembered that at about the age of one I had surgery on my eyes. All of a sudden, a flood of emotion was released, as the perspective and feelings of a 1 year old all came back… the terrified confusion about being taken from my parents, strapped down against my will, and having them direct a knife toward my eyes, only to awaken to pitch black, unable to see and helpless to remove the patches due to the restraining braces on my arms. It all made so much sense! The connection between the emotions of panic, terror, fear of being attacked, fear of the dark, and helplessness that had surfaced through the dream were completely representative of the emotions from this experience. I now also understood why I previously had no recollection of this memory: it was too early for conscious recall and also had very little visual encoding since I couldn’t see for much of the experience. Yet God was able to get past both of those barriers and reveal the root memory through connecting the dream and the physical sensations in my body. No obstacles are too difficult for Jesus to get around and bring healing!

During that initial prayer session it was as though Jesus had uncovered a huge tap root that I didn’t even know existed. Over time, I went through quite a few other prayer sessions as the little fibrous roots of other related emotions and lies were unpacked and healed. Jesus always entered the memory, revealing his truth and presence through my spirit and mind’s eye, bringing comfort and peace to the little child. In that first session, I remembered lying on the surgical table petrified, when I saw the surgeon walk in. Then to my surprise, I immediately recognized those loving eyes. Jesus walked over to me and whispered, “It’s ok, Leslie. I am your surgeon.” I felt flooded with safety and security. I knew Jesus, even as a little child, and I could trust him. He wasn’t going to hurt me or let anyone else hurt me. He was there to heal me. What incredible relief and peace!

Then, in a later prayer session, Jesus came into the operating room again, and this time I saw him tear the place up, with the same kind of rage that he did when he threw over the money–changers’ tables in the temple. He wasn’t angry at the real doctors, he was unleashing his fury on the evil spirits who had taken advantage of me in my vulnerability and had entered in through that trauma. He was fighting for me and protecting me when I had felt so helpless to defend myself. When he was finished, he grabbed two little pests by the scruff of the neck, which I knew to be torment and terror, and he smiled at me and asked me what I wanted him to do with them. I told him, “I don’t care, just get rid of them!” And he did. Looking back, I now know that to be one of the most beautiful, peaceful deliverances I have ever witnessed. Then one day some time after that last prayer session, I had a moment of realization. The familiar fear was simply gone. I had never known life without that constant presence of fear and it was such a new peace. More freedom than I ever knew I could have! The only fear I experience now is the natural God–given response of fear in appropriate situations.

In summary, I would like to pass along some basic points I learned through this experience.

• Body memories: Through this I learned that our bodies store memories, as the actual cells remember events and store emotions and trauma that though beyond conscious recall, still greatly influence our emotions, beliefs and behavior. It can be very helpful to pay attention to physical sensations, as they may be a significant key to healing.
• Childhood perspective: don’t write memories off simply because they seem insignificant or minor to our adult minds. Children don’t have the cognitive ability or perspective to correctly interpret events. As an adult, I knew that I had gone through surgery as a child, but I did not automatically identify the trauma of the event because as an adult I know that surgery is beneficial and for my good. As a child, I didn’t have that understanding and it resulted in a completely different and warped experience.
• The enemy doesn’t play fair: especially regarding children who are completely vulnerable and have no protective abilities or pre–established grid through which to interpret events. The enemy will try to latch on to anything and take advantage of children in their vulnerability. When praying for people, it’s helpful to keep in mind that many issues are rooted in early childhood experiences.
• Unconscious memories: God can heal memories that we didn’t even know existed and He can bring them to the surface in many creative ways. Just invite Jesus to reveal them in whatever way He knows best and then wait to see what happens. As prayer ministers, it’s important to give Jesus space to speak and reveal. He does it so beautifully!
• Deliverance through inner healing: Sometimes Jesus simply removes evil spirits directly or they leave automatically as the wound is healed, since they no longer have anything to hold on to. For example, when I felt those two spirits leave as Jesus ministered to me, the prayer ministers didn’t have to do a thing.
• Dreams: pay attention to dreams, they may be significant and can contain key emotions that lead to deeper roots.
• Jesus does it all! The prayer ministers did very little other than prompt me to go further, get in touch with the emotions and memories, and then let Him heal.

I pray that this story encourages you in any areas where you may still need healing, while offering more understanding in ministering healing to others. God bless you.

Leslie Royalty is in charge of Prayer Minister Care at CHM.